Monday 29 July 2013

Birthday Wishes

Just a little post today to say...


Happy Birthday! 


To one of my dearest and best friends, honorary Auntie to my kids and Godmummy to Elena.




I do not see her anywhere near enough due to her living in Canada, but I miss her every day.

Wishing you the most wonderful birthday & roll on December!

Love you girl 

XoX




Saturday 27 July 2013

Elderflower Syrup and a warm July Evening

Happy Saturday!

I hope you've had a lovely day and that not too much rain has fallen where you are. We have only had a few minutes of rain this evening and I am sat by my open dining room window now, breathing in that fresh rain smell. Peaceful.


Paul, Elle, Benji and I spent yesterday evening and today with Paul's parents, such wonderful people. Kind and good natured, the kids love them! Especially as Nanny always has an abundance of crisps, sweets and "yummy food". There literally is no end to those cupboards! - I'm blaming the kids, but I must admit, I do love to dive into them too. Whilst we were pottering around this afternoon, I was thinking that I had not done a cooking post for a while and even I am fed up droning on about a certain gene, so I have a very special one for you this evening.





Making Elderflower syrup could not be easier. There are only four ingredients, the preparation doesn’t take that long and the best thing is that it can be done on a warm evening in July, out in the garden or in the kitchen with the radio on and the back door still open. I’m making syrup instead of cordial this year because, although it doesn’t keep for as long, I’ll still get about a month from it and it’s much more versatile.  I can add the syrup to ice cream, lemonade, sparkling water, ice lollies, vodka or prosecco. And I’m sure that you will think of many more wonderful goodies to add it to also.


Unfortunately, we do not have any Elderflower bushes in our garden or anywhere local, very typical of living in the city. This means that when I do find a bush I have to play with the traffic when I try to pick some from the roadside. If , like me, you do have to go out and about to find your Elderflower please be careful and try not to gather the flowers that are very close to a road with heavy traffic as the flowers will be super dirty. If that is all you can get be sure to rinse them well before using and leave enough flower heads on a single plant for the birds in the autumn, as they eat the berries.


Today, however, being in the countryside, I was able to grab quite a lot!





This is a rather typical Elderflower flower-head. Cut them from the stem when the tiny flowers have only just opened up fully. You don’t need to watch and wait for this to happen you’ll be able to tell if some of the florets are not open or if the open ones are past their prime as they tend to go slightly yellow/brown in colour.





Elderflower Syrup
Makes approx 1 litre
YOU WILL NEED
25 Elderflower flower heads
5 unwaxed lemons
1kg Caster/ Superfine sugar
1lt water
You will also need a large pan with a lid.
Shake the flower heads free of any bugs. You may not get them all first time, don’t worry they’ll appear and you can remove them.
Strip the tiny white florets from the flower heads. I pull them off with my finger tips. You only want the flowers, not the stems, the stems are poisonous if eaten in large quantities so try to separate them as best you can. It is fiddly doing this but rather therapeutic and it’s a lovely ‘sunny evening’ thing to do on the patio.
Add the tiny white florets to the pan that has the lid and compost the stems.


Zest five lemons and add the zest to the pan.
Juice the five lemons, I use a fork to juice mine as I find it easier, and add the juice to the elderflower and lemon zest.
Stir together so that the elderflower soaks up the lemon juice and the zest is combined.
The infusion has begun.

Move over to your oven hob and pour the water in to a pan.
Turn the heat up high.
Pour in the sugar and stir.
Stir until the water has turned clear. This means that all of the sugar has dissolved, which is what you want.
Carry on stirring until it boils.
Allow it to stay at a rolling boil for another minute or so and then pour the water/sugar mixture over the elderflower and lemon.
Replace the lid of the pan and place your ‘soon to be’ Elderflower Syrup to one side. Allow it cool and remain to one side for three days. If you drain it before three days are up you’ll find that the syrup has very little elderflower flavour and is just very, very sweet. Even after three days the taste of elderflower is extremely subtle, but that is the beauty of it. You’ll know the difference between a quality syrup and sugar water I promise.


After three days drain the liquid through a very fine sieve or a preserving stand and pour the syrup in to steralised glass bottles with an air tight lid or stopper. Keep in the fridge for up to a month.
Bottles of Elderflower Syrup make fantastic gifts for people. Add your own label and you can start a cottage industry!


- Some of last years batch!

It is so simple to do, and good fun too :) 

After some very exciting news today (Which I'm sure I can share very soon!) I'm ready for a glass of wine - or two and a snuggle with the hubby.

Have a fantastic day/evening wherever you are.

I love you and thank you for reading.

Bex xox

Thursday 25 July 2013

Mr S and My "Boob Job"

Good evening :) 

I promise, there will not be many more of these...! 





At 16:30 today I found myself sat in the waiting room in Outpatients 1, Subwait 2 with my husband holding my hand. 

He held it in a way that said so much. We were quiet, wondering, hoping and praying that all this would be over soon. As we sat in silence, I started to think back over the last 2 and a half years. The moment we found out we had a defective gene running in our family, the day we found out my sister had it, the day she had her operation, the day I made a decision to be tested, the day I found out I was positive, the day I made up my mind to have a PBM, the day I had a mammogram, the day I had my MRI, the day I met my consultant and today. The day I would find out the date of my operation. Each one of those days has dramatically affected my life and led me to that waiting room this afternoon. Luckily, we were not waiting long and a poor elderly gentleman was left alone in the waiting room - we had reassured him that he would definitely be next, poor soul. 

My consultant is called Mr Soumian and today would be the second time we would meet. A smile on his face and a good firm shake of the hand made me feel confident that I was in good hands and that all this would be just fine. 

Mr S, started to go over my options again to make sure I had made the best possible choice for reconstruction. He was very thorough and, after drawing a very lovely picture of my breasts and nipples on a piece of paper, it was agreed that what I had chosen would be the best choice for me.





So a little bit about the procedure I will be undertaking and why I have come to the decision that I have.

After having all your breast tissue removed, your first decision is whether you want reconstruction at all and if so when? You can have immediate reconstruction or wait a few months and then have another op where they re-create your boobs. I have chatted to many women who did not want reconstruction at all – viewing their boobs as their enemy and not at all bothered by being completely flat-chested. For me, I know I definitely want immediate reconstruction (I want to wake up with boobs of some sort) but I was unsure how this was going to happen.

The options for me were:


Implant (pretty straight forward) Although contrary to what a lot of people think I won't have bountiful breasts that resemble a Pamela Anderson or Katie Price. Due to the reason of the operation, every bit of breast tissue has to be removed (some will remain) so the implant is inserted behind my chest muscle. The results will not look like your typical "boob job" and more than likely they won't be completely symmetrical. With this procedure I can either keep my nipples or lose them.

A flap of tissue from my back - In this procedure the muscle is transferred to the breast area by "swinging" it around the ribcage so that it lies at the front of my body. I would need an implant with this also. This will give a more natural result but will result in a larger scar.

Flaps taken from the tummy - This is one chosen by a lot of women because a large amount of skin and volume can be replaced to achieve a very natural look and feel. Removal of excess skin and fat can also be a lovely surprise,  resulting in a "tummy tuck"  There are 3 types of abdominal free flaps, TRAM, DIEP and SIEA. This reconstruction will result in large scars.

Believe me, this decision was very easy to make. I knew I wanted implants purely on the recovery time. I have two young kids and I don't want to spend weeks recovering when I could be cuddling and playing with them instead. At the end of the day I just want the awful nasty tissue out, the reconstruction is just a bonus. The reconstruction is just psychological for me.  I did toy with the idea of no recon, but I thought about going to the opera with my husband at Christmas,  playing on the beach with my kids, going to work wearing every day clothes,  doing all that with no breasts would make me very self-conscious. 

So today, at approx 16:43 I confirmed to Mr S that I will be having the implants. I am still undecided whether or not to keep my nipples, but he said I can decide that as late as operation day, so I will sleep on that decision a little longer. 

The nipple dilemma - When they cut around my nipple to pull the flap of skin down and remove my breast tissue, they can either sew it back together after the surgery or remove the nipple all together and pull the skin up to cover where the nipple would have been. If I decide to keep the nipple, there is a chance that during the op, the blood vessels die off and once in recovery, the nipple itself could die (Which would involve another procedure to remove them) the other bad point is that the nipple will still have attached, some breast tissue, which in theory will raise my chances again, not by much at all but if I'm willing to go through all this, why bother with a nipple that may contain one little cell that screws me over...? 

The most interesting part of the operation is that the UHNS has recently been able to do part of the reconstruction using, wait for it..... 

...........
................
........................ Pig skin!

Although the posh doctor wording is Strattice Tissue Matrix. Basically, it provides a scaffold or framework which helps the natural growth of new cells and formation of new blood vessels. The piece of skin is designed and processed in a unique way to minimise the risk of rejection and will be placed under the bottom of each implant to create a type of hammock!

How unbelievably clever is that?! It is just incredible what these surgeons can do now. My new boobs will not have a web like mass of scars either – in fact the only scars will be around the nipples or minus the nipples, across the front of my breast. 


My pre-op will be within the next few weeks and then I'm on the home straight. A year ago, nearly to the day I found out I was carrying the defective BRCA2 gene and although there's been some tough, teary times, I am SO ready to jump and and get these damn things off. My boobs or my life, right?!

I have the BRCA2 gene mutation.

You would think that after all these months, after all this writing, that that simple fact would feel normal and acceptable by now. 

But it doesn’t you know.







I spoke to one of my dearest friends this evening to tell her my operation date. Well….she picked up the phone and the conversation went something like this:

“It’s me. I've just come back from the hospital and my operation is definitely going to be on the 28th August”

“Crikey. How are you feeling?”

“Scared titless”

“Titless??!”

…….oh did we laugh……


Laughter really is the best medicine.

So all that is left now, is to plan my "Good-bye Boob Party!" I am so very excited about this and can not wait to have my nearest and dearest with me to celebrate!

In the short term, I am easy to spot…I’m the blonde who is looking happy.. The one running/crawling when she gets the chance and the one who still squeezes her eyes shut every night and whispers “thank you” to the  big man in the clouds. 

Thank you for reading, this post especially.

I love you.

Bex xox






BRCA2 Information
Breast Cancer is the most common cancer in woman in the UK, making up around 30% of all cancers in women. By far the majority of cancers occur by chance and only 5-10% of cancers are thought to be inherited.

Three genes have been identified that carry a high risk of breast cancer: BRCA1, BRCA2 and TP53. A fault in one of these genes can confer with a lifetime risk of up to 85%

If you are worried, remember that if you have just one relative who has breast cancer you will NOT be at increased risk. However,  there are many specific characteristics that may indicate a gene mutation. Don't panic but just be aware of your risk so that you can personally make an informed decision about how to handle your situtaion.

Family histories are usually considered significant if there are:
1.     Two cases of breast or ovarian cancer under the age of 40 - especially a case of breast cancer in both breasts
2.    Three breast or ovarian cancers under the age of 50
3.    Four breast or ovarian cancers occurring under 60
(N.B 1-3: the ovarian cancer can occur at any age)

The Macmillan Cancer website has a useful  tool called OPERA which can guide you through your possible risk.

However, I can not stress enough that this is not a medical site and if you have any concerns please visit your GP.

It is also important to recognise that even if you are worried that you may have the gene, you do not have to be tested and may prefer to just have annual mammograms or MRI's. Similiary if you are found to have one of the genes you do not have to have surgery and instead can
be screened on an annual basis.  Having the test does not alter anything - you are the same person that you were from conception - but it may give you a sense of control.
For advice you can visit http://www.breastcancergenetics.co.uk/




Wednesday 24 July 2013

A tribute, to my friends

Good evening y'all!

I hope this week is finding you well, happy and healthy.

I had a remarkable day today. It was one filled with complete kindness and love, so much so, that it brought me back to my little blog to make a lasting memory of it.

Over my last 29 (nearly 3-oh) years, I have had the fortune of making some of the most incredible friends. Some I made when I was tiny tiny, some I made a few months ago and they all make me happier with the knowing that I can call them my friends.

I won't put names, but you all know who you are and I wanted you to know that I treasure your friendship and hold it very dear to me. Without you some of these last 24 months would have been a lot harder. You have provided me with the most wonderful support and love and many, many laughs.




Over the years I have had the privilege of working with the finest chefs in the local areas, some of the most UH-Mazing front of house staff and waiting on staff. You guys worked with me and helped me get to where I am today, and you worked bloody hard! I have also worked with some of the finest gutter-mouthed chefs who prided themselves on the ability to throw a full plate of food the full length of the kitchen, narrowly missing me (this isn't for you, sorry!) But a few foul-mouthed chefs will always claim a small smile on my face.

This leads me to where I work today. I count myself so extremely lucky to have a job working with the most awesome women (the guys are O.K too). I have to admit that I was slightly apprehensive to start at the company 18 months ago. To go from being on my feet 12+ hours a day,  running bustling restaurants and dragging drunks out the door at 2am, to being based in an office with paperwork and lots of timescales was very daunting, but I have to say I felt like I was welcomed with open arms. Over the last 18 months the relationships with my female work colleagues has grown and each and every one of them is remarkable. For one, they are all gorgeous, inside and out. They all have something so special about them, such strong ladies with wonderful hearts. I love my job and I love them. (Thank you ladies for all your support)



So, these flowers are for you, for all of my friends. They are to say thank you. Thank you for being right here on this website at this time. Thank you for your comments, your encouragement. Thank you for the little hugs and late night texts. Thank you for coming  to check in on me when crappy things happen and most of all thank you for just being you - I couldn't be this happy without you.

I am no longer scared of the future because all the limitations I had put on to myself were false messages of fear and limitation and life is LIMITLESS for us all. The limits I had put upon myself, my dreams, my heart goals and my longings had suffocated every drop of hope I ever had.

So now with all the love and light that surrounds us, I am ready for this next step and I will do this with a smile on my face. I have the best friends and whether you realise it or not, every single one of you has given me the confidence and support to do this.

Within little things and life's small events, lies the heart and the very kernel of life. Right there, in front of us. And it is love.

I am complete.

Let's do this! 





I love you.

Bex xox

- A huge congratulations to Sarah, who got engaged recently. I hope the two of you have the most wonderful journey together. x

 - Thank you so much for all of your emails over the past month x

Wednesday 3 July 2013

My boobs, my life and me...

I found myself sat on the end of a phone yesterday, listening to my surgeon's secretary tell me to be prepared for my next consultation. My consultant and the gentleman who will be performing my bilateral prophylactic mastectomy, would be telling me that he proposes to perform my surgery next month. This came as a shock as I was not expecting to have a date until at least November. All of a sudden the choices I'd made and roads I'd been down over the last 12 months, hit me in the chest, hard.





In my DNA I have the BRCA2 gene mutation and this increases my risk of getting breast cancer to approximately 90%. Now, if you were about to fly on holiday and the pilot said “Ladies and gentleman, there is an 90% chance that this plane will crash and you may die” don’t you think you might get off that plane as soon as possible?! You wouldn’t cross a road if there was an 90% chance of being hit – even if you were wearing every possible item of protective clothing and you were warned that the car was coming, I know I would find a different route. How can I NOT have these operations? If I develop breast cancer which, lets face it I am almost bound too, how do I look my children and husband in the eye? When little Elle and Ben say “mummy why didn’t you DO something?”. For me it is a no-brainer and I only have ONE option.



I read a message on a forum  today by  a lady in the USA who did have the mastectomy and oophrectomy but who has just discovered that she has breast cancer. A sneaky, cruel, horrendous tumour that has snuck in between her left fake breast (implant) and her fake reconstructed nipple. I cannot imagine how she is feeling. But she has raised another important point. Having a double mastectomy does NOT mean you are not going to get breast cancer. If there are even a few cells left that are made up of breast tissue then this wicked BRCA gene can start to produce tumours. The mastectomy can only decrease your risk (by up to 95% but NOT by 100%). It is still very possible to get breast cancer following this operation. She is unfortunately one of those 5% and my heart breaks for her. I can offer little comfort apart from the fact that at least she TRIED, at least she did everything she possibly could to keep it at bay.


If I join her in this 5% or don’t make it through this operation then I know at least I tried.






I had a bit of a “wobble” this morning. It was inevitable I suppose as it’s been ages since I have had a cry. It made me want to write tonight, as I feel it helps me cope a little better. I beat myself up a little more every time I even start to get apprehensive or upset about it. I think of the chance I have why other members of my family are suffering or have suffered so terribly, they never had this opportunity. I feel so guilty, why me, why didn’t they have this chance?! I get upset thinking of them and how tremendously strong they are and have been.  It’s not fair... They are my heroines and through my family’s genetic journey, they are who I need to thank for being the ones who have helped save my life.


This has been a life changing experience so far and I’m not even halfway there, BUT in less than 2 months I will have DRAMATICALLY reduced my risk of breast cancer and I will no longer need to live in fear of finding that inevitable lump.


It is such an obvious thing to write but I so believe in the power of the mind and the power of positive thinking. It would be easy for me to become a “victim” right now. I could wallow in fear and have sleepless nights filled with horrifying imaginings about this operation OR I can embrace the kindness of my friends, squeeze the hands of my children and appreciate every second of my precious marriage. I can remember how lucky I am and remind myself how I will now hopefully avoid chemo and ruthless cancer therapies. I will embrace the miracle opportunity that has been given to me and wear my new boobs with pride.




And most importantly I can now start planning the menu required for my “Good-bye Boob Party”!  I want my closest girl friends, considerable amounts of alcohol, inappropriate jokes, fake boobs etc The menu: chicken breast in a bap, 2 large jugs of Pimms, copious amounts of wine,  nipple chocolates, meringue and strawberries….oh the options are endless……..!!!


Thank you for reading.


Love xox